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On My Honor

There should be merit badges for raising a toddler: 

  • Identify the Stain badge. Bonus badge for doing so without gagging. 
  • 5 Yard Dash to Prevent Serious Injury, Death, and/or Property Damage Exceeding $500 badge. 
  • Single Finger-Sweep Method Executed to Remove Half-Chewed Doggie Kibble From Toddler Mouth badge.
  • Keep Shoes on Toddler Feet Longer Than 8 Seconds badge. 
  • Keep Diaper on Toddler Butt Longer Than 10 Minutes badge.
  • Endure 67 Hour Loop of “Elmo’s World” badge. Bonus badge for doing so without the use of illicit substances.
  • Correctly Guess “Why Are You Freaking Out??” in 25 or Fewer Guesses badge.
  • Rescue the Family Dog From Being Used as Lego Smuggling Mule or Personal Transportation Device badge.
  • Survive Cardiac Arrest badge.

The list could go on and on and on, but you get the idea. I want a freaking sash, dammit.

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About Hormones and Hijinks

I'm also a compulsive twit: https://twitter.com/HormonalHijinks

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