Why? Whyyyyyyyy won’t my daughter eat vegetables?? Well, she will eat sweet potatoes, so that’s pretty good. But everything else we’ve tried here lately? Carrots, broccoli, asparagus, green beans, collard greens, spinach, yellow squash, okra, peas? No go. At all. Ever.
I gave her all kinds of vegetables in her infancy to help her develop a good taste for veggies. She used to eat the FOOL out of some broccoli and green peas and spinach. Now? If it’s green, The Doodle ain’t keen. If it’s yellow, she ain’t mellow. If it’s red, she’s full of dread. If it’s orange… Crap.
I tried to sneak some broccoli into a big bowl of shredded chicken today. She spit out every bite I tried to cram in her mouth. She loves chicken and it was just the tiniest amount of broccoli, but she was not having it. I tried adding garlic (she loves garlic on her chicken), nope. I even committed a mortal sin and put a little salt on it in desperation. Nope. She finally had to resort to biting the crap out of my finger to get her point across. Solid copy, Col. Doodles. Ow.
Fine. I know when I’ve been defeated. She is going to live on chicken, cheese, bananas, peanut butter, and sweet potatoes for the rest of her life. These are literally the only things she will eat. She is going to develop scurvy and rickets and anemia and scabies and there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, I know scabies comes from mites; just roll with it, alright?
I’m going to start giving her a multi-vitamin every day. As soon as she figures out it’s good for her, she’s either going projectile vomit the thing all over me or stage a nationwide violent coup of angry toddlers. We’ll all be BEGGING North Korea to nuke us.
As you were, Private.